Wednesday, January 10th
So I walked into church, ready to lead worship as I do every Wednesday. Playing guitar and deciding how many times to play the final chorus is how this normally goes. However, today was different. One of the two vocalists wasn't going to be able to make it, and we wanted somebody else to sing. Now self-confidence is not my thing. So when everybody else on worship team had refused to sing and it came down to me, I handled it rather well, except, oh yeah, HAVING A SMALL PANIC ATTACK!! I love singing in solitude, and I've become a lot better with my confidence. In fact, I allowed my mother to post a video of me singing to her Facebook (after a week and a half of trying to decide if it was a good idea, and when she posted it it was a huge breakthrough in my book). But, singing in front of my piers makes me feel very vulnerable and self-conscious. I will admit though, part of the reason why I didn't refuse, was because deep down inside I was kind of excited. Practice was fine, but during dinner, I suddenly started feeling nervous again. I was glad to have the opportunity to lead worship like this, but I couldn't knock down the fact that I might mess up. Then the Lord showed me the truth of the situation. As if someone were standing in front of me saying it I heard: It's not about you. Then the scales were lifted from my eyes (so to speak 😀), and I realized it wasn't about me. My focus had been on how I would mess up. How I could have my voice crack. Me me me me ME! Leading worship is NOT performing! Praise the Lord that He showed me that, because I was walking down a dangerous path. At this point, it was time for worship. I can tell you, this was one of those times where I realized: this is why we do what we do. For a brief moment, I forgot that there was anyone else in the room, and it just became me singing to God. That is worship. I love music, and to be able to come together with other believers and use music for God's glory makes me realize how blessed we are. To be a worship leader is such a privilege and honor, and I know I did nothing to deserve it. I'm very grateful to be able to worship and be loved by God. Thanks for reading!